I’M A MALE VICTIM OF ABUSE – WHAT SHOULD I DO?
You’d probably be surprised to know how many boys suffer from abuse in their relationships – many more than society leads us to think. The fact is that 1 in 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse and often this is from someone just a few years older than them and with who they are in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s sexual, physical or emotional, abuse is wrong, and it’s never the victim’s fault.
We live in a society where boys are told from a very young age that being masculine or manly means you should be able to protect yourself and those people who are close to you, and if bad things do happen, you should be able to look after yourself. Some boys feel the very fact that they have suffered abuse somehow weakens them in their own or other people’s eyes. Some boys are scared of being laughed at, teased, judged or criticised, or that friends and family simply won’t believe them. Boys think they should be able to shrug off emotional, physical and sexual abuse from a boyfriend or girlfriend, and that talking about it or asking for help makes them less manly. But this isn’t true, nobody thinks boys who are abused are any less manly.
Abuse is difficult and traumatic to deal with, and it can be even harder when you’re a boy and the person hurting you is your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you're a boy in a relationship with another boy and worried about being open about your sexuality, that can make it harder to ask for help or to tell anyone. You might feel what you’re doing is wrong or that you deserve bad things to happen. If you’re a boy being abused by a girl, you might be worried about what your friends will think, about whether they might see you as less male because the one hurting you is female.
Greer... read you cunt.
If you're a boy who has previously been abused in a relationship, is currently being abused or feeling pressured into doing things that you feel are wrong, then you may also be facing some difficulties that girls won't. If the abuse is sexual, you may have had a physical reaction to the experience (an erection or ejaculation) but it’s important to understand this doesn't mean you enjoyed it or wanted it, it’s just the way your body responded, you have no control over that. And it happens to most boys in that situation.
Relationship abuse can leave both boys and girls feeling very lonely and cut off from friends and family - you feel different from others around you, and not sure that any help is available. Boys and girls have the same rights to protection, help and advice. The organisations listed below are specialists at helping boys, they will listen, make you feel safer and provide confidential support and advice on abuse.
Respect (http://www.respect.uk.net/) run the Men’s Advice line on freephone 0808 801 0327, they provide confidential help, support and advice to male victims of domestic violence. Alternatively you can email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk.
SurvivorsUK supports adult men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org/ info@survivorsuk.org.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
